I miss the feel of a big city. Like when being alone in the apartment, no part of your brain keeps track of others. Objects become extensions of you, not seen by anyone else. Presence of people around never alarms, as you assume them to be as deep in themselves as you are. Successes of others are bigger, and that makes you obsessed on efficiency if you want to trick yourself into optimism in their shade. Greeting is obsolete, as an unnecessary disruption. Meeting someone you know on your commute is too unlikely, and you keep your awareness just enough to glide between the obstacles. What you still percept is how big it is. The size of the city reminds you of all those keeping their eyes on the same carrot. Those whom you have to outsmart.

And you grow into something unique.


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